Special K

A couple of weeks ago Chris started kindergarten. This is a pretty big deal. Our first son, off to kindergarten. Growing up. Away from home, in formal education, five days a week.

So why am I not wistful, sad, feeling depressed?

From what I have read, been told and seen firsthand, I should be feeling all of these things.

MBW is feeling a bit of this, although not much. Part of the reason, I think, is that she is his kindergarten teacher. So her emotions are a bit different from many moms who have sent their children off to kindergarten.

I’m actually very happy for Chris. He is a very friendly, outgoing boy. The social experience will be great for him. He will thrive in kindergarten. When I get home from work he is very excited to tell me about his day. He’s making friends, having fun, and, as an added bonus, learning some things.

I do feel some sadness about Chris going to kindergarten, though it has nothing to do with Chris.

I feel badly for Tommy.

Since MBW and I both work outside the home, we needed daycare when Chris was born. Rather than go to a drop off daycare facility, we hired a woman to come to our house to take care of him. This continued when Tommy was born. So both Chris and Tommy have grown up playing together in our home. Chris had two years by himself, but Tommy has never known a day without Chris in the house.

Now Chris is gone five days a week for about three hours. And Tommy is sad.

So we have Tommy going to a preschool for a couple of hours two days a week, and MBW has some play dates set up for him each week. Still, it is frustrating to Tommy – once again, Chris gets to do something he cannot do.

I mentioned in an earlier post that Tommy called MBW ‘stupid’ when he was having an issue over something. Some readers pointed out that this is more than ‘spirited’ behavior, and is in fact disrespectful. I agree, and perhaps the tone of that post was a bit more frivolous than I intended it to be. What I have come to realize, in the past couple of weeks, is that Tommy is using the word ‘stupid’ to express his frustration at things that he feels are beyond his ability to control. He’s now saying, for example, that it is ‘stupid’ to be little. He says this because ‘big boys’ go to kindergarten, ‘big boys’ get to ride in ‘big boy’ car seats, and ‘big boys’ get to ride bikes without training wheels. Most of all, ‘big boys’ get to go to ‘real school’ and Tommy only gets to go to ‘preschool.’

All of this is, of course, ‘stupid.’

So I have spent quite a bit of time with Tommy lately, trying to tell him that these things are not stupid, that he is a big boy, just a big younger, and he will get to do all of these things very soon. Of course, very soon in ‘Tommy Time’ is five minutes from now. And I understand that what I am saying to him is not really helping very much. I’m just trying to let him know I’m listening to him, that I am empathetic to his feelings, and that I will make sure he gets to have a chance to do things as well.

Is it working? Who knows? But I’m trying.

Meanwhile, Chris is thriving.

So I went to Back to School night last week, where all the parents go to see their child’s classroom, meet the teacher, and learn about what to expect in the coming year. This is especially important for first time kindergarten parents. Chris’s classroom is full of colorful charts with letters, words, numbers and pictures. It is a very happy, friendly place. There are books everywhere, art easels, and an aquarium with fish. His teacher is very nice – fifteen years experience, graduate degree, committed to making the world a better place for children. It’s going to be a great year for him

Not to mention the fact that she is exceptionally fine looking. So I’m looking forward to parent-teacher conferences this year!

At the end of Back to School night the teacher handed out a packet of information to each of the parents. In the packet were a few sheets of work the children had already done in the first few days of school. The first page was a self portrait, and Chris did a reasonably good job. The second was a page where he had written his name - needs some work, but I could read it. The third page was a list of ‘favorites’ – favorite color (he colored a green circle), favorite food (he drew something resembling a slice of pizza) and his favorite thing to do.

In that area he drew something I could not quite interpret.

Below the drawing, the teacher had written in what he told her he had drawn.

It said, “Playing with my dad.”

It’s great to be The Family Man.