Dad I Am

MBW and Chris are visiting her sister and family. I am charged with giving Tommy, a notoriously finicky eater, his dinner.

All by myself.

What you are about to read is true.

“Dad I Am! I’m Dad I Am!
Here with your dinner, delicious lamb!
Along with butter, bread and jam,
And some fine green beans and yams!

“Daddy, Daddy, Dad-I-Am,
Yes I’ll eat this scrumptious lamb
I’d even eat a can of Spam,
But I won’t eat green beans and yams.

“Tommy, eat them, yes you should
I know you’d love them, yes you would!
Try them once, I know you could,
If you did, you’d know they’re good!

“Daddy, Daddy, you should know,
Into my mouth they will not go.
I tell you this; it’s not for show,
I will not eat them, never…NO!

“Tommy, try them, just for me,
If you did, you’d surely see
Just how good these foods can be
And that would make me so happy!

“Dad-I-Am, please here me now
I will not eat them, no way, no how.
This food’s not fit for a mangy cow,
It belongs on a garbage scow.

“Now, now, Tommy; that’s not nice,
I’ve said it once; I’ll say it twice,
Eat it warm or cold as ice,
If you don’t eat it, you’ll pay the price

“Dad-I-Am, you should just quit
For I will simply throw a fit,
Then chew some up and simply spit,
And then I would be done with it

“Tommy, son, what must I do
To somehow get this through to you,
You must eat this, yes, it’s true,
Or else you will be feeling blue

“To eat this, dad, I will not stoop
For all I know, it tastes like poop!
Get it together, try to regroup,
‘Cause I’m not going to eat this goop!

“Eat it, eat it, yes you will
Leave this table you won’t, until
You will surely get your fill
Even if it tastes like swill!

“Daddy, watch me, watch me run,
Away from the table, it’s so much fun!
Outside into the evening sun
Now I’m gone, dinner’s done!

“Tommy, boy, you’d best get back
Before I really blow my stack!
How is it you have such a knack
For giving me a heart attack!

“Hee, hee, hee; it’s such a joy
To be your favorite naughty boy!
To play you like my favorite toy
Is something I so much enjoy!

“I’m prepared to try most anything!
Would you eat them on a swing?
Would you eat them while I sing?
While I blow bubbles from a ring?

“I will not eat them on a swing,
I do not want to hear you sing.
You can’t blow bubbles from a ring,
I won’t eat these for anything!

“Will you eat them in the car
Traveling from near to far?
Gazing at an evening star?
Or how ‘bout sitting at a bar?

“I will not eat them in a car
Not near or far, not under a star
Mommy won’t let me in the bar,
You should just put them in a jar.

“Speaking of Mommy, she’ll be mad
Not to mention really sad
That not one bit of this you’ve had
She’ll think I am an awful Dad

“That’s too bad for you, old man,
Although I truly understand,
I hate to put you in a jam
But I won’t eat them, Dad-I-am!

“Son, my love for you is strong
But what you’re doing now is wrong
You cannot keep this up for long
In your mouth this food belongs

“I hate to be so blunt, old Pop
But now it’s time for you to stop
I will not eat that awful slop
Not one bite, no single drop

“You are driving me insane
My head hurts now with awful pain
It’s really quite a bad migraine
I cannot go through this again

“Like thread unwinding from a spool,
Dad-I-Am, you’ve lost your cool.
You’re acting like a crazy fool,
Go cool off in the swimming pool.

“Tommy, yes, my face is red,
Veins are throbbing in my head
My patience worn down to a thread
I cannot wait to go to bed.

“Face it, Dad, this game is done
It was over before it begun
You have lost and I have won
And I have really had some fun!

“You may think you’ve won today
But hear now what I have to say
You may think its fun and play
But regret this, you will, one day!

“Dad-I-Am, don’t be so curt
Just ‘cause your feelings I hurt
And sweaty stains now soak your shirt,
Just tell me this – What’s For Dessert?

It’s great to be The Family Man!