Oh Christmas Tree

MBW and I have owned our house for seven years. In fact, we just recently passed the official seven year mark from the date we officially closed on our house in 1999.

In the front yard of our home we have a Colorado blue spruce evergreen tree. It’s a wonderful tree, and this time of year it is a picture-perfect Christmas tree. We strung lights on it the first year we celebrated Christmas in our new home, and it looked great. It wasn’t that hard to get the lights on it because it was only about eight feet tall. With a small ladder I was able to get lights around the tree all the way to the top.

But that tree has grown substantially over the past seven years, and each year it’s gotten more difficult to put Christmas lights on the tree and make it look decent.

This year I talked about not putting Christmas lights on that tree. It’s gotten too big, I told MBW. Let’s do something else this year.

Chris and Tommy would have none of it.

“Dad, you have to put the lights on the tree!” said Chris.

“Please, dad, please do the tree lights!” said Tommy.

“It’s your call,” said MBW, smiling.

Remember, this is not the indoor tree we’re talking about. This is the outdoor tree in our front yard, the Colorado blue spruce that is now about fifteen feet tall. It has gotten so big that this past summer I had to trim back the sides of the tree to keep it from extending into the driveway and over the sidewalk.

But apparently Chris and Tommy have grown attached to having lights on that tree at Christmas. It’s a part of their Christmas that, for whatever reason, is important to them. So what kind of dad would I be if I let them down at this very special time of year?

So the Saturday after Thanksgiving I assemble my gear. I get out the big ladder, the box of Christmas lights, the extension cords and the electric timer. Get my leather work gloves on and go to work.

I’ve never had a problem putting up Christmas lights. Every year I read stories of people who have all sorts of problems getting their light up. I laugh in haughty delight at all you lesser beings who struggle with so simple a task. Please. It’s simple. Get your act together and stop whining. How hard can it be?

So there.

Master of this task that I am, I open the box of lights and spread the tangled mess onto the front lawn. It takes about 20 minutes to untangle the six strings of multicolored lights. Every year I swear I’m going to a better job putting the Christmas lights away so I won’t have this problem the following year, and every year I don’t do it. When I take them down this time…anyway, with the lights untangled, plugged in and laid out carefully across the lawn, I replace all the burned out and broken bulbs. On the lawn, with all six strings (25 lights per string) plugged in end-to-end, all the bulbs are lit up. It all works. I think I’m ready to go.

Chris and Tommy are watching this intently. They’re very excited. This process, decorating for Christmas, makes it real to them. Santa will be coming! Lots of toys!

“Get going, dad!” says Chris.

I unplug the lights from the extension cord and begin to wind them around the tree. The bottom six feet of the tree is easy. I walk around and around the tree laying the string of lights in place. It’s going smoothly. The string of lights plays out quickly – will I have enough to reach the top of the tree?

The next few feet are harder. I have to reach over my head and place the lights without really being able to see what I’m doing. The string of lights gets all tangled up, so I have to stop, unplug what’s left from what I’ve already strung, and sort it out. A bulb breaks in the process, and I have to replace it.

Tommy asks, “What’s taking so long, daddy?”

Grrr.

Finally the remaining lights are untangled, the broken bulb replaced. I go back to the tree, plug the rest of the lights into those already on the tree, and continue. I’m reaching as high as I can, standing on my tip-toes, running the string around the tree. Soon I can’t reach any higher, so I set the lights down and get the ladder.

Now it gets tedious. I place the ladder, climb up, lean into the tree and place a few lights, climb down the ladder, move the ladder a few feet, and climb up again. Over and over, round and round, up and down. The higher I get, the more unstable the ladder, which is leaning into the tree, becomes.

Before I get even close to the top, I run out of lights.

I climb down the ladder and Tommy asks, “Are you done, daddy?”

“No, Tommy,” I say, “I’ve run out of lights. We need to buy more.”

Last year six strands of lights were enough. Not this year.

So off to the store I go, buy two sets of lights and more replacement bulbs, and return home. Chris, Tommy and MBW are having lunch, so I join them.

After lunch I go back outside. Chris and Tommy follow and take their seats on the front steps. They watch as I get the ladder and a hockey stick. I take one of the two new strings of lights, find the end of the last string already on the tree, and reach way, way up over my head to try to plug the new string into the line. The ladder is feeling pretty shaky…but I get the connection made.

I climb down, move the ladder a few feet, grab the hockey stick and climb back up. Now I’m using the hockey stick to lift the string of lights way up to the top of the tree. Round and round, up and down, over and over. Reaching way up high with this ridiculous hockey stick, trying to gently place these lights on the small boughs near the top of this tree. The lights keep slipping off the end of the hockey stick. It takes multiple attempts on the shaky ladder, but finally I get the last few bulbs strung. It reaches almost to the top.

Wearily I climb down the ladder, put away the hockey stick. Chris says, “So, dad, are you done? Can we turn them on?”

“Sure,” I say, “let’s plug them in and see how they look.”

It’s still mid-afternoon but we have to see the fruits of our labor. I plug the extension cord into the wall, bring it out to the base of the tree, plug in the seven strings of beautiful colored lights I have strung up the tree, and…

Nothing.

The lights are not on. Not a single one.

You’ve got to be kidding.

I fiddle with it for awhile, checking each connection to make sure it’s tight, check to make sure to extension cord is plugged securely into the outlet, check to make sure the breaker inside the house hasn’t tripped. Everything checks out okay, but the lights won’t come on.

I begin the process of pulling all of the lights back down off the tree. Once they are down, a tangled mess, I separate each stand of lights and plug them individually into the extension cord. Five of the seven are working, two are not. I assume the fuses for the individual strands have blown, so I replace those. That must have been the issue as they are both now working.

I ponder the problem for a moment, then head back to the store to buy two additional extension cords and two multi-outlet breaker-protected power strips. I swear the clerk is laughing at me. As if she’s never had this problem! May Santa leave her a lump of coal this year.

I get back home. The sun is starting to go down. What a lovely day we’ve had. Wearily I run the extra power cords from different outlets around the house out to the tree, hook up the multi-outlet breaker-protected power strips and test everything one more time. It works. Imagine that! Now all I have to do is run the lights around and up the tree once again, making sure to connect no more than two strands together and make sure no more than four strands are running off any one outlet.

It’s almost completely dark by the time I’m finished. The lights are up yet again. The cords are plugged into their respective multi-outlet breaker-protected power strips. With bated breath and fingers crossed I plug the multi-outlet breaker-protected power strips into the individual extension cords and…

The tree lights up.

Thank God.


Chris gives me a mock round of applause. MBW and Tommy come out to take a look, nod their approval. At last the task is complete.

As I’m putting away the ladder and hockey stick, MBW says, “Now it’s time to do the tree INSIDE the house.”

Chris and Tommy say, “Yeah, Dad! Let’s do the inside tree! Can we help you?”

Smiling back at the boys, I say, “You bet! Let’s get started!”

But I’m crying on the inside.

It’s great to be The Family Man.

The Sultans of Sled

Dire Straits. Some of you have to know this tune. Hum it as you read.

I get a shiver, it’s still dark
It's been snowing in the park, and meantime
The boys are up and they want to do just one thing
The wind is blowing it’s been snowing for a long time
We feel all right when we feel that snowy sting

Well now we step outside but we don't see too many faces
Bundled up against the wind in our coats of down
No competition in other places
Not too many boys can ride so sound
Way on uptown,
Way on uptown,
Mountain town



You check out Master Chris,
He surely ain’t no priss
He can make that sled do just about anything
And a Costco sled is all that we can afford
When he gets up on the hill to ride that thing



And Tommy doesn't mind, he knows he can
Make the scene
He's riding the sled and he’s doin’ alright
He can slide the snow as well as anything
But I know that he’ll be tired tonight
We are the Sultans
We are the Sultans of Sled



And some other young kids
Well they’re watching my boys from the bottom
I know they’re wishing they could do
what my boys can do
They don't give a damn about what their mothers want them to do
They want to ride snow ‘till they’re black and blue
And the Sultans
Yeah, the Sultans ride true



Then Chris and Tommy step right up to the top once more
And say “let’s go down, my nose is cold and red.”
And after that, well it’s time to go home
And as they left the hill these are the words they said:
“We are the Sultans
We are the Sultans of Sled.”

With apologies to Dire Straits.

It’s great to be The Family Man

New Links and AdSense

In lieu of a real post, which will go up tomorrow, I have this lame offering.

I've updated my links. Added some new blogs, removed others. It's interesting how readership of this blog has changed over time. Blogs that used to link here no longer do. Has the content changed to the point that those blog owners no longer felt this site was worth the association? Have I offended people? Gotten boring? Or is it that because I don't get out to read as many blogs as often as I'd like, they feel unloved by The Family Man?

Whatever. It is what it is.

Anyway, take a look at the new links. Try something new and check out some of these blogs, they are actually quite good. I welcome them to my blogroll.

I've also added AdSense to this blog. I am a Marketing Guy, working in the marketing department of a tech company. I want to see how the program works, what ad content shows up on the blog and how it changes depending upon the content of my posts. Chris and Tommy would appreciate your patronage of the fine advertisers of this site. They have their sights set on Harvard - I have a community college budget.

A real post will go up tomorrow - I need to upload the photo from my digital camera.

I thougth about using the photo from the last post for my signature again, but decided against it.

It's great to be The Family Man.

Words

Have you been inside a kindergarten classroom lately?

(For more posts like this, visit The Camping Machine).

Unless you have a child in kindergarten, have had children in kindergarten recently, are dating or are married to a kindergarten teacher, or happen to be a teacher in an elementary school, your answer is probably no.

Since Chris has started kindergarten this year I’ve been in his classroom a few times. Parent-teacher conferences, the Thanksgiving performance his class put on, the book fair. I’m also a volunteer art teacher – once every two months I go in and teach an art lesson. So I’ve been in there a few times this year.

Of course, since MBW is a kindergarten teacher, I’ve spent quite a bit of time in the various classrooms she’s had over the years, even before we had kids. I’ve helped her move out of and into rooms in different schools quite a few times now. So I know what a kindergarten room is supposed to look like.

For those of you who haven’t had the opportunity to be in a kindergarten classroom recently, I’ll tell you one of the key features.

The room is full of words.

I’m talking about words, printed on paper, stuck to everything in the room. As you walk in the door you’ll see the word ‘door’ on the door. Flip on the lights and you see the word ‘light’ on the light switch. Check the clock on the wall for the time and you’ll see the word ‘clock’ on the clock.

See what I mean?

The desks all say ‘desk.’ The chairs all say ‘chair.’ The fish tank says ‘fish tank.’ The lamp says ‘lamp.’

The reason for this is to help the kids recognize words and what they mean. Kindergarten is where the foundation for reading really begins. Kids learn their letters – what each letter looks like, the sounds they make, and how combinations of letters make words. To help in that process, kindergarten teachers will often label everyday items as described above to visually associate combinations of letters with things. MBW tells me this is very important in a child’s literacy development. She takes this very seriously. She’s more than a dedicated teacher – she has a mission, as I described in an earlier post.

(As an aside, if you’re a relatively new reader, this post described MBW in more detail).

So if she says having these words and labels all over the classroom is important in a child’s literacy development, I’ll take her word for it.

She believes it works. She's committed to it. So committed, in fact, that to help Chris (and Tommy) develop their literacy skills she has taken this approach beyond the classroom and into our home.

The drawers in our home all have a little sign on them that says ‘drawer.’


The clock says ‘clock.’

Walls say ‘wall.’

Our family doesn't watch much TV, but when we do, it helps to have a label on it so we can find it.


Our toilet says ‘toilet.’ Good thing, too. I’d hate to mistake the kitchen sink for the toilet!








Maybe you think I'm kidding, that I stuck these labels on things in our house just to have something to blog about. But this is for real.

Can't find the stairs in our house? Just look for the sign.

Hard to think you could miss our kitchen cabinets, but just to be sure, they're labeled.

I was in the dark about this whole process until the proverbial light bulb went on for me. It happened, naturally, when I turned on the light – found thanks to the little sign on the light switch that said ‘light.’

I knew it was the lamp that came on because, in addition to seeing the light, I also saw the sign that read ‘lamp.’

And to keep the light of mental illumination from going off,the night light stays on all night long. I know this because it says ‘night light’ on it.

Shaving every morning is now easier because I know exactly where to find the mirror. I just wander around the house until I see something with a sign that says ‘mirror’ on it.

In case I forget what my Old Friend looks like, the photograph of him now has his name on it. Now you know his name as well. Yes, I have a Siamese cat named for the New York Rangers hockey team.





I’m now used to seeing these signs all over the house now. I support MBW in this effort to help Chris (and Tommy) with their literacy development. I’m used to seeing these labels on everything. And though I occasionally make a wisecrack now and then, I’m proud of MBW and her commitment to helping our kids develop their reading skills.

However, I think she has now taken it one step too far.

It’s great to be

If you enjoyed this post, visit The Camping Machine)to read more like it.

The Boys of Sugar

One of my favorite things to do is to get up on Saturday morning, have breakfast with the family, and take Chris and Tommy out for the morning. It gives MBW a chance to have the house to herself for a couple of hours, and it gives me a chance to have some male bonding times with the boys.

I don’t usually have a Boys Night Out with my buddies too often anymore. These days I much prefer Boys Morning Out.

We pile into the Burbus Maximus and head out. The radio comes on. My preference is to listen to the local sports radio station, but usually the boys call for the Dancing Music. When they call for it, I deliver. And we rock.

Some mornings we have errands to run – usually the bank, and lately always the post office. We seem to find ourselves at Home Depot more often that we should on these trips. Barnes & Noble is a popular destination, as is the local library – we all love books. Sometimes we’ll go to the car wash. Often, if the weather is decent, we’ll go to one of the many parks in our town to play. Now that winter is here, I’m sure we’ll be doing some serious sledding in the coming weeks.

But rarely a Saturday goes by without a visit to the local Krispy Kreme donut store.



Ah, yes, Krispy Kreme.

We never tire of the smell when we walk in the door of the Krispy Kreme. No matter how often we go, we still love to watch the donuts roll across the conveyor and through the waterfall of glaze. It’s the greatest assembly line in the world – or at least the tastiest.



Chris almost always gets a Chocolate Iced Glazed with Sprinkles donut. Tommy is more of a sampler – he’ll occasionally go for a Chocolate Iced Glazed with Sprinkles, but he also likes a Cake Sugar donut or a Chocolate Iced with Custard filling. Me, I’m a Chocolate Iced with Crème filling guy.

Sometimes the boys will get one of the free Krispy Kreme hats, put them on their heads, and pretend they are The Donut Makers. Occasionally they get a free balloon. But those items are a bonus – it’s all about the donut.

Sometimes we’ll leave the store and eat them in the car as we go about our errands, but often we’ll stay in the store and enjoy the ambiance. Watching the other donut lovers come and go as we savor our sugar. We’ll sit at the table, compare our donuts and talk about what else we’re going to do that morning. We’ll laugh, tell stories, and have fun. And indulge in a delectable, delicious dietary diversion designed to delight.

When the donuts are gone, faces and hands washed, we’ll drag ourselves out the door and continue on our way. Usually we’ll pick up a donut to go to take home to MBW, but the truth is she’s not as much of a Krispy Kreme fan as we are.

We’ll finish up our errands, or go on to our play destination, and get home in time to have lunch. Whatever happens from there, we’ve started the weekend off on a positive note.

Three Krispy Kreme donuts on a Saturday morning – about $2.25.

Male bonding time with Chris and Tommy – Priceless.

It’s great to be The Family Man.