The True Beginning

I'd like to take a moment to thank everyone who has visited my blog over the past four months. Many of you have left comments and I really enjoy reading what you have to say. Thank you for visiting, reading, and for all your kind words.

Or let me be more blunt. Thank you for putting up with my wandering imagination, silly ideas and maudlin moments. I enjoy writing these stories and sharing the antics of Chris and Tommy, but sometimes I'm surprised that people actually enjoy reading them. In any event, I'm grateful, and as long as you want to read this stuff, I'll put it out there.

Some of you have expressed hope that I will save these stories for my kids, so they can look back when they are older and read about what things were like way back in the early 2000s. Honestly, I'm not sure I want them to know what a crazy knucklehead their dad was.

But the truth is I have been keeping a journal. I started back in 1999, when we first learned my wife was pregnant with the child that would become Chris. I began writing letters, addressed to 'Dear Child,' and described what was happening as the child developed in the months prior to birth. I used a popular word processing program and kept the letters in a large file (backed up regularly, of course!). The journal talks about who his or her parents would be, where we lived, what we were feeling, what the world was like.

When Tommy came along, I started one for him as well.

The writing style is nothing great, but it was and is direct and straight from the heart.

Today Chris's journal is about 275 pages, Tommy's about 175. Along the way I began adding digital photos, and lately it has almost become more of a photo journal than a written one. But there are still some choice notes in each one, something I hope will put a few smiles on their faces when they read them in, oh, about 2025 or so.

I thought today I would share with you the entries leading up to the birth of Chris. First, because that was the day I first and forever became The Family Man. If you’re reading this blog, perhaps a bit of historical perspective would be of interest. Also because after reading Pumpkin Diary I see someone who has done something very similar (and better) to what I've done for my boys, and shared it with the world. And because I hope Robyn's upcoming labor will go more smoothly than it did for my wife.

But mostly because often, when I hold Chris, I think back to the moment when I first held him, the emotions that washed over me and changed me forever. I cannot imagine my life now without Chris, and Tommy too.

If you have kids, you'll relate to this and remember your own experience.

If you don't have kids, this is what it could be like if you ever do.

Enough. Here are the Journal entries from just over five years ago, verbatim.

Wednesday July 5, 2000, 4:25 p.m.
Dear Child,
Maybe today is the day. At 1:30 a.m. this morning your Mom started to have some labor pains. She woke me up to tell me about it, we talked about it for a few minutes and I went back to sleep. At 3:30 a.m. she woke me up again to tell me they were still happening. I asked if she wanted to go to the hospital and she said no, not yet. We turned on the light and read a little bit in the pregnancy book, and it seemed like she was in the early stage of first labor. We decided to stay at home for the time being.

We got up about 6:00 a.m. to get ready for the day – your Mom was going to go to the airport to pick up her Mom and Dad, your Grandparents, who had flown in from up north. I was going to go into work, but decided to drive your Mom to the airport in case the labor pains intensified. I called the office to tell them I probably would not be in. We picked up your Grandparents and came back to the house. Your Mom called her doctor, described what her contractions were like, and the doctor said to come right in.

We went to the hospital – not officially admitted, but put in a small room to be monitored. Your Grandmother, your Mom and I were in the hospital for about 3 hours; your Mom hooked up to a machine that monitored your activity and the contractions. It did not seem like the labor was progressing, so we went home about 12:30 p.m. I was going to go back into the office but I wasn’t sure if your Mom would need to go back into the hospital anytime soon, so I stayed home.

We all had a quick lunch and then I have just been hanging out with your Mom, timing her contractions and offering support. We don’t know how much longer before we go back to the hospital, but it looks like you will be born tonight or tomorrow. Dr. Watson seems to have hit it pretty close – back in November she said the due date would be July 6. It looks like you will be right on.

Thursday July 6, 2000
Dear Chris,
Welcome to the world!!! You were born today, Thursday July 6 2000 at 9:01 a.m. But I will get to that in a minute. Here is the rest of the story.

After we were sent home from the hospital Wednesday afternoon we all sort of waited around to see what would happen with your Mom. The contractions were pretty bad and they continued to get more intense, but not any closer together. From 5:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. I wrote down the time and duration of every contraction your Mom had. The contractions were always between five and eight minutes apart, but they would not get any closer. The problem was they continued to get more intense and painful. Between 9:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. your Mom and I paced back and forth across the back yard, hoping the walking would help speed things along. Every five minutes we would stop while your Mom had a :45 second contraction. She was really miserable.

At 11:30 your Mom called the hospital and described the situation. The nurse told her to come in but there was no promise that we would be admitted. We went down there hoping things would start to happen. We were put into room 2304 and hooked up to a monitor to track the contractions and your heartbeat. At 12:30 your Mom started to dilate, but not enough. They gave her a shot of Demerol to ease the pain and told her if she did not dilate any more in the next hour we would have to go home and come back in the morning. The contractions got more painful and the Demerol did not seem to help, but she did begin to dilate and at 2:30 a.m. the nurse admitted your Mom to the hospital. The nurse arranged for an epidural but your Mom did not get that until 3:30 a.m., and that last hour was pretty tough for her – every five minutes she would have a contraction that seemed like it was ripping her guts out. But your Mom was tough, she hung in there, and after the epidural she felt better.

Your Mom started to get some rest, I curled up on the floor and your Grandmother slept in a chair in the room. Throughout the rest of the early morning the nurse would come in to check on your Mom every half hour or so. I was drifting in and out of sleep. At 7:30 a.m. the nurse said it was time to get ready. I got up off the floor and your Grandmother got ready and the nurse began preparing the room. At 8:00 a.m. the nurse had your Mom begin pushing. At about 8:45 the top of your head began to show, so the nurse called Dr. Watson into the room. It was so exciting to see the top of your head and know you would be born in just a few minutes! With Dr. Watson encouraging your Mom the pushing continued, and soon your whole head popped out, and two pushes later there you were – born at 9:01 a.m. Thursday July 13, 2000. You were a boy – remember we did not know your sex, so you were a complete surprise. Your name had been chosen for months, if not years – even before we got married, your Mom and I knew if we had a son we would name him Christopher. The middle name was trickier – your Mom wanted Matthew, I wanted Peter, and I guess I wanted it more. She went with my suggestion and that is how you got your name.

Anyway, once you came completely out Dr. Watson cleaned you up and then I cut your umbilical cord. Dr. Watson laid you on your Mom’s stomach and we both cried, I wish I could remember the exact words but we were both so thrilled, so overcome with emotion, it is an experience words simply cannot describe. The nurses continued to work on you, washing you off, I remember one nurse holding you upside down saying out loud, “Ten fingers, ten toes, everything looks good!” You scored an 8-9 on your APGAR test – I’m still not sure what that is, but 10 is the best score possible, so you were a very healthy baby.

My dad, your Grandpa, came to the hospital about 2 minutes after you were born. He was in the room when you were weighed and measured – 20 & ½ inches long, 7 pounds 1 ounce. You were born with a pretty full head of dark hair. In fact, when the top of your head was just showing, one of the nurses made a comment that your hair was full and pretty long, so maybe you were a girl. I made a comment, “Long hair I can live with, but if the baby comes out with body piercing and tattoos, I am going to have a chat with my wife,” and everyone got a chuckle out of that.

So here you are, healthy, a boy, named, weighed, measured, wrapped up and ready to face the world. I cannot describe how overcome with emotion I am. I have a son, a beautiful, healthy baby boy, Christopher. I am a dad. I don’t have the words to describe it, the best I can do is this – I have had nine months to mentally prepare myself for this, and what I have been thinking about are the financial concerns, the logistics of having a child, how you work having a child into the routine of my life. I was ready for that, I was prepared and looking forward to doing all that had to be done to be a good, responsible father and parent. I was not prepared for the tidal wave of emotion that washed over me when I held you for the first time. I still cannot describe the love I felt for you and feel for you now. You are my first born son, my special precious child, and I will do all that I can for you to see that you have every chance to have a full and happy life. I love you more than anything in this world. I have heard people say that the greatest day of their lives was the day (days) their children were born. I never really understood it until it happened to me. Suddenly this day is the greatest day of my life, the day my son was born, the day my son Christopher came into this world.

Much of the rest of the day is a blur, people coming and going, your Mom taking a nap and me taking your Grandparents back to our house. The last thing about your first day was also pretty great. I went back to the hospital about 8:30 p.m. to see you and your Mom. You were asleep in your bassinet and your Mom was just starting to doze off. I took you out of your bassinet and took off your little shirt, took off my own shirt and laid you on my chest and reclined back in the chair in to room. The lights were low, your Mom was sleeping, and you were sleeping on my chest, skin-to-skin, a father and his son. It was the coolest feeling in the world. After a time I could not sleep, so I picked up the Sports Illustrated magazine I had brought with me and read you some stories about baseball. Then it was time to go home, but forevermore life will be different – we are now truly a family, and I have a son – Chris.

There it is, readers.

Thoughts?

For over five years, and hopefully many, many more, it was and still is great to be The Family Man.